7 levels of consciousness: Dominants' edition

What does it take to be a great Dominant?

Amazing clothes?
A fully equipped dungeon?
Ability to use toys?
A huge cock?

Maybe, but I contend that the greatest Dominant can be just that sitting eating a meal in a restaurant, having a conversation with the people around him.

So without further ado, here's my scale of the seven levels of consciousness for Dominants. Don't worry, submissives, I'll get to you in the next blog.

Level 1: The Victim Dominant

There are a load of these around on the internet. You can spot them a mile off. They complain constantly. "Why doesn't anyone submit?" "Why do people always fl
ake on me?"

When you meet them, they're boring. They have no spark. They think that the world owes them a favour. That is, if they ever get out. Most of the time they're sitting around their homes, assuming someone will come to them. They can't be bothered to move. They use excuses like "It's the slave's job to come to me" and "I expect the slave to do the work."

What's going on is they're revelling in losing. They define themselves as Dominants as they're too lazy to do anything else.

It's easy to ignore these as they're unlikely to do anything about meeting anyway.

Level 2: The Angry Dominant

A lot of straight cash masters fall into this category. They've bullies. They're often homophobic. Even the gay masters are angry about something. They define themselves as sadists, but actually they're just angry. Who knows why?

These Dominants attract the submissives with the lowest self esteem who are looking to be beaten and abused. They prey on submissives and leech off their time, energy and resources.

They may set tasks for submissives simply so the submissive can fail. This gives them a reason to punish and become angrier. They push submissives to depths that they don't want to go to.

Submissives should avoid these dominants at all costs. They're dangerous.

Level 3: The Responsible Dominant

Responsible Dominants understand that the kink-world survives on give and take. These Dominants will take the time to talk to their submissive, to discover their desires and their likes. They cooperate with submissives to design scenes that they both enjoy.

However, this is ultimately still about the Dominant. They feel power from the fact they are 'allowing' the submissive to have a good time. They might forgive the submissive if the submissive steps out of line, but the forgiveness is handed out as a gift. They forgive to make themselves look better.

The Responsible Dominant will see limits as sacred. They won't cross the line that the submissive has set.

Outside play, these Dominants will take notice of the submissive's life experiences and be genuinely interested in the non-kink/non-sexual side of s submissive's life.

Level 4: The Concerned Dominant

Concerned Dominants have read the manual that says that the submissive is actually in charge. Whether the concerned dominant is being sucked, fucking, whipping or administering electro shocks to the submissive, the dominant is actually thinking about the submissive's experience more than their own.

The Concerned Dominant desires recognition above all. They crave that text after a session that says "You were great!" They develop skills that they know will make the submissive feel good.

Like the Responsible Dominant, the Concerned Dominant will take time and effort to find what the submissive is into and will play according to the submissive's rules.

These Dominants sometimes go further in ownership of submissives, taking time and care to plan out a submissive's life, helping them to go places in life. This takes time and effort. The danger here is that the Dominant can become over-controlling, making decisions that look good from their point of view without fully understanding the situation, or the submissive can become too passive.

Level 5: The Accepting Dominant

These Dominants understand that everyone is different, and that everyone has their needs. Most importantly, they understand that everyone has a choice in life.

Whilst they will take the needs, desires and fantasies of the submissive on board, they won't see these as a list of must-do experiences or actions, they'll integrate these with their own set of needs. They will find ways of combining what both the Dominant and submissive want in order to have the best time.

Accepting Dominants are able to reconcile the different aspects of life that contradict each other. They can understand the intention behind behaviours. So, for example, they're more likely to be able to take a joke from a submissive as just that, understanding that the submissive simply wanted to see the Dominant laugh.

Accepting Dominants guide submissives to higher levels of their own lives - not by telling them what to do, but by discussing options and acting as a critical friend.

The Accepting Dominant prefers guidelines to rules. They understand that life gets in the way sometimes, and will work with the submissive if the submissive gets things wrong.

Level 6: The Wise Dominant

Wise Dominants have an air of peace about them. They understand the interconnectedness of people and how actions have impact far greater than that of single situations.

Wise Dominants can integrate the desires and needs of both the submissive and the Dominant in ways that benefit both. They enjoy exploring others' fantasies and will often try new experiences to discover more about other people.

Like Accepting Dominants, Wise Dominants set guidelines - but they see a much longer process than guides for the here and now. They see into the future and set in place structures that can exist to bring the relationship to higher levels.

Wise Dominants foresee the different paths that people are on and work with them to achieve their goals.

Counter intuitively, a Wise Dominant may see decollaring as a good thing. A Wise Dominant realises that everyone's path is different, and at times this means that a submissive will walk the same path as Him for a while - and then will change direction. They will take pride in seeing the growth in a submissive and in building strength in the submissive.

Level 7: The Non-Judgemental Dominant

The highest level of consciousness for a Dominant is one of total peace with the world.

The Non-Judgemental Dominant will realise that everyone is fundamentally fine. They accept that everyone's place in life is as it should be.

The Non-Judgemental Dominant may be confusing to the onlooker as they will act differently with different submissives - treating gimps as non-humans, puppies as fun playthings and slaves as property. They will not seek to give advice to anyone, but are willing to help create opportunities to allow others to fully explore their goals and vision for life.

They see kink play as an expression of humanity, and see beyond the immediate needs. In new scenes, they will be totally consumed by the experience, allowing themselves to be fully present. Their intentions will be to have experiences that take both the Dominant and submissive to higher levels of understanding of their body, mind and soul.


Not everyone will achieve Level 7. Many will fail to get past the lower levels. People will move between levels in different situations, with situations and particular connections sometimes moving a Dominant up or down a level. Even a Dominant who achieves Level 7 at some points in their life will regress to Anger when something goes wrong, or Concern if a submissive behaves in certain ways.

For Dominants, be honest with yourself. Which level are you on? What would get you to the next level? What holds you back? What forces you to regress?

For submissives, consider which type of Dominant you want. Do you want an Angry Dominant who will make you feel excited? Do you want a Dominant who gives you a great time? Are you ready for a Dominant who truly sees you as you are, accepts you and works with you?

I'd love to hear your comments and thoughts on this topic. Where are you? Do you recognise these levels in the Dominants you've met?

@elmcoaching
@englishleathermaster