Domming for cash

@Englishleatherm on Twitter

If you look at Twitter, you'd believe that every dominant was on the scene only for the cash side of things. Whether a cash master, a webcam pay-per-minute performer, a porn star, a phone sex chat host, or someone selling vids on any of a number of sites, the whole of the twittersphere seems to have been taken over by money-focused sex.

I must claim an interest here. I have been involved in findom and other money-related sex matters for years. I  have use cash slaves online and in person, and continue to do a bit of it during the other online stuff I do. I also (as you probably know if you're reading this) sell vids via Onlyfans and take calls on Niteflirt.

But what I think about the whole sex-for-money world is more nuanced than possibly comes across.

Most importantly, I dom in real life and I don't charge for it. I enjoy control, I'm a sadist and I enjoy being worshipped. I get physical pleasure out of real life meets and the money side doesn't come into it. Yes, nowadays, I'm often looking for subs who are willing to be filmed, but that's a side issue.

The problem with online interactions is that all too often, the dom gets nothing from the scene. I can tell you to stick a dildo up your arse, but it doesn't actually do anything for me to see you sitting on something that you'd sit on anyway even if I didn't tell you to. There are a limited number of scenes that involve real pain that I can enjoy, but it's all too easy for a sub to play at hurting themselves, and I do real control, not acting.

So my first attraction to cash slavery was always the fact that it's a physical way of the sub benefiting the dom's life - and to some extent suffering. It should only be when the dominant does not need the money - otherwise the reason for doing it is through desperation, not control - and preferably it should also involve the sub giving up something instead. This doesn't have to be big, but foregoing a latte in the morning reminds the sub of who he is. I've often taken my first tribute in terms of number of hours of take home pay. This means that the sub is literally working for me on a Monday morning for x hours.

Sadly, the findom scene has become overriden with two overlapping but equally destructive elements: homophobes and people who are greedy or needy or both.

Of course, I've called people "faggot" and "dirty queer" in scene. I've told people that they only exist to lick my boots. But these are under controlled conditions and with consent on both parts. When I see "Masters" making 18 year olds come out to their parents by videoing themselves jumping up and down on a huge dildo,  or putting pictures of 20 year olds on the web with full name and address, it proves the lack of any control on the part of these so called dominants. They have no idea of the danger they could be putting these vulnerable people in. Any underlying mental health issues are potentially made worse. That's not domming. That's bullying and abuse. The people who get involved in these activities are homophobic at best and bordering psychotic in some cases. They are a scourge on the community and prey on the least able to defend themselves.

Worse, you find time and again that one of these homophobic straight guys starts to bring in their friends. The word gets out that queers like being bullied. That may be fine if you're a 40 something successful guy who likes to get off when a 20 year old muscle chav flicks his finger at you. You can go back to your job the next morning having had a good wank and an exciting moment where you had a bit of controlled homophobia that got your endorphins running.

But what you also did was tell that guy that it's ok to do that. So next time he and his friends see a gay couple in a street they're just that little bit more likely to act physically.


Bottom line: don't feed the true homophobes just because you get a kick out of it.

For the greedy or needy - that's up to you. I personally find it laughable when someone says they're a dom but they can't hold down a good job. Maybe your $10 tribute will help them pay their mobile phone bill and they'll manage to use it to apply for a new position and get out of a fix. Maybe you'll instill a need to use others to make ends meet (which is likely to fall apart once they lose their looks), but that's your choice. However, my personal view is it's not domming. It's another form of cam or phone work. "You say nasty things, I pay you" is the same as "You pull your dick out, I'll pay you."

Which leads me finally to the monetization of BDSM. Sex workers have existed for millenia, and I'm pretty sure you'd find back in the middle ages that there were workers dressing up in hang men's clothing and choking their clients for pay to give them a good orgasm. The ways of paying for what you want may have expanded, but they're not the only way.

If you want to talk to me, or see my pics, I may charge. As may many others. It doesn't mean that I'm a bad person; I've just made a decision to give my time a monetary value. I have also recognised that I'm motivated to make more content that people enjoy if I am getting something back from it.

However, there are thousands of people out there who produce free content and are more than willing to play without pay.

So be aware of what you want, go and find it. If you like paying, do so, if you don't, don't. But please, please, don't feed the homophobes.

@englishleatherm
@elmcoaching