Two weeks ago, I was at the Darklands festival in Belgium. I’ve
been to many fetish events before, but what made this special was the number of
new contacts I made which allowed me to feel more connected to the people in my
community. I felt a web of connections building around me that helped me feel
both grounded and linked to others. My chosen family were welcoming, and I
welcomed others to it.
The following week, in Birmingham, for the Mr Leather UK competition,
these connections grew and were added to. People I knew vaguely started to
graduate to friends and I met many other people who I hoped in time would become
more than just a random chat in a bar.
Then the world changed. Until then, the UK government
advice, along with that of most countries in the Western world, was that we
should be careful and not socialise if we had symptoms of COVID-19. Then, the
scientists re-examined their models and realised that we were in for health
service breakdown if we didn’t all change our behaviours drastically and
immediately. Suddenly that web of connections seemed like it had been blown to shreds.
I wrote about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs in my book,
Mastering Life (you can download it for free here). Maslow tells us that we
focus on different needs as we move through life.
For example, if you’re wandering in the desert, you’re going
to worry about water (biological needs) before you worry about your need to
find love. If someone is breaking into your house, you’re going to worry about
your physical safety before your degree certificates.
In this uncertain time, it’s all too easy to feel pushed
down the scale. COVID-19 IS a scary disease and we all have to change our
behaviours to keep ourselves safe. But we shouldn’t then feel that we’re
working on the “Safety” level of the scale. As long as we’re keeping away from
other people and following advice on practices such as hand washing, we’re perfectly
safe.
In the current crisis, isolation can knock the higher
levels sideways. Particularly if you live alone, it’s easy to feel disconnected
from people. We need to work a little harder, but there are many things you can
do in order to keep connected, and keep moving upwards.
Love and belonging
Most of our connections with people in the next few weeks and months are going to be remote.
Be careful, though, to make sure you’re not pushing yourself down the hierarchy
by making the wrong connections. Although it’s important to keep informed, if
you follow too many negative or sensationalist accounts on Twitter or Facebook,
or watch the news constantly, you’re going to end up feeling worried or over anxious.
We know that people are suffering and we must do all we can to help ourselves
and other stay safe and to support those on the front line. But once we’re
doing that, it’s ok to have some fun. Join some of the silly Facebook groups such
as those searching for faces in inanimate objects, food disasters, or badly
translated signs. Follow Twitter accounts that make you laugh. Watch comedy shows
on YouTube. And ANYTHING involving kittens is bound to make you feel better.
Continue to make connections by joining chat groups, or
using chat room sites. These seem to have died off a bit over the years, but
try to find the sites where you can chat in real time, preferably with camera.
Make time to video call friends and loved ones with Skype,
WhatsApp or FaceTime. You don’t need an excuse; just say hi.
If you're feeling lonely or disconnected, reach out. Others will be too and will welcome the chance to chat.
Esteem
It’s so easy to let things drop when you’re stuck inside.
Try to have a shower and a shave in the morning. Clean your teeth after
breakfast. Wear clothes that make you feel good. Slobbing around in dirty underwear
is fun for a day or two, but makes you lose energy quickly as you lose your own
self belief.
Eat well. Don’t just pig out on junk food because you’re not
going to be seen for ages and the gyms are closed. Keep up on your five a day of
fruit and veg and drink plenty of water.
If you’re still working from home, keep regular hours. Get
up and dressed for work at the normal time, do your work, then stop. Try not to
wank between Skype calls. Keep that for the evening so you've got something to look forward to.
Remember, at some point we’re all going to come crawling out
of isolation, looking a bit like Gollum with huge eyes and white, pasty skin.
So do what you can to keep yourself in trim in the meantime. There are loads of
“keep fit in your living room” courses popping up. Try one. I recommend Yoga with
Tim Senesi. He’ll keep your body supple while keeping your eyes happy.
Self-actualisation
Netflix has had to reduce the bitrate in Europe because so
many people are watching at the moment. That’s great, and it’s a good
opportunity to catch up on the series that everyone’s been talking about. But this
isn’t a random free weekend or a snow day. This may be months. Binge watching
popcorn TV is great for a while, but doesn’t feed your soul.
Think about learning something new. You could just dabble by
watching a load of TED talks, but that learning tends to be a little surface. You
know all those free courses that are out there? Now’s the time to actually do one of them. There are courses on everything from cooking to advanced mathematics
and philosophy available from universities and colleges. Try them and you will expand your mind.
And of course, you can read my book. There’s loads of
exercises in there that will help you to find a better, more fulfilled life. Download it today. You’ve got the time to make your life better – use it wisely.
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